That lovely Stop Sign

That lovely Stop Sign
This sign is the most loved/hated thing here!

I did it! I am committed! WE are doing it!

I have taken the "before" pictures, I have announced my journey to my community. I have asked for their help in holding me accountable - I am going to lose this weight, gain health and hopefully inspire others along the way to do the same. Together we will become stronger individuals and become a stronger, healthier community!



Thursday, February 11, 2010

FAT, such an ugly word.

I was thinking this morning about my recent use of the word FAT. I have been using it a lot lately as I am opening up to others about my journey. I began to wonder why that word was coming up so much; when the truth is, that in my mind, what really flipped the switch to do this was health. But, my brain is focused on fat and it isn't budging at the moment.


This all really began to click for me when I actually cancelled a doctor's appointment because I didn't want to know how bad I was wrecking my body!! I really could not face going in and hearing how bad my numbers were!! I knew they were getting worse, I could feel it - but I couldn't bare to hear it. I knew I needed to hear it, but that wasn't going to make the news any easier.


After that, the next button that got pushed for me was our Christmas vacation. We went on a fabulous cruise and my daughter wanted to do a canopy tour in Costa Rica. Well, the good news was that she was 3 months too young for the minimum age requirement, because the devastating news would have been that I weighed too much to go!!! I actually weighed more than the maximum weight allowable! That was the first time my weight had been so high that some outside source said I couldn't do something. My abilities to do stuff have interfered before, but never my weight. I never thought I'd be "that" person.


So, maybe that is why so much focus is on the word FAT. My goal is not a size, a weight, an outfit or any real connection to my thoughts about FAT. My goal is really on health - I want to be able to do everything with my kids. I want to feel like doing stuff. I want to be able to jump in and try anything. I want to be the mom, wife, daughter, sister, employer, leader, chair, community member, etc that I can be and not the one I am settling for at the moment - this one is tired and grumpy a lot of the time!


I hear people talk about how fat they think they are and I can honestly say that I never realized how fat I was until recently. Possibly because I was such a skinny kid, I did not have a mental picture of myself as fat - that is until I started to look at some pictures my son took of me on my iPhone. The other stuff was clicking, the not wanting to go to the doctor, the being too heavy for the tour - but all of the sudden, I realized I was FAT. Some of you that see me often are going "no kidding, I could have told you that!" Seriously, I just didn't see it in my minds eye. All of the sudden, it is right here in front of me in plain sight!! Now to deal with it.


I need all the help I can get folks. I appreciate all of the positive encouragement you have given me already - keep it coming!! Thanks everybody.

2 comments:

  1. I am heading to FR in April for a month, I will be reading about your journey in the meantime. I am excited for your "life change" you have a good positive attitude and I have faith you are going to amaze yourself and inspire many!! Congrats!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Cat, that is what I hope to do!!

    ReplyDelete