That lovely Stop Sign

That lovely Stop Sign
This sign is the most loved/hated thing here!

I did it! I am committed! WE are doing it!

I have taken the "before" pictures, I have announced my journey to my community. I have asked for their help in holding me accountable - I am going to lose this weight, gain health and hopefully inspire others along the way to do the same. Together we will become stronger individuals and become a stronger, healthier community!



Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Day 29, 5th Monday and off to the Dr.

Today I went to see a Dr. in the "Foot and Ankle" group. He was really nice and thorough, but gave me some terrible news. After x-rays and ultrasounds, the feet are worse than I had dreamed. I went in there thinking I was getting cortisone shots in each and that I would feel fine - didn't happen. No shots, he said they were too far gone for that and that the shots had a better chance of causing more damage than helping - not what I wanted to hear! By the way, ultrasound pictures of tears in your tendons and bone spurs are not near as much fun to show around as pictures of babies in your tummy!!!!!


So, I have really had to re-group - AGAIN!! I am so sick of the word "modification" that I get tears in my eyes every time I say it. I had such big plans for the next two weeks, I had a different agenda, I thought things would go my way and well, I have been whining about it all day (and occasionally crying about it too). I am not getting my way and I am not happy.......

Lots of support coming my way, but I am still playing this mental game. In all reality, I joked about coming to rehab, but this is rehab for food addicts! So everything is a mental game when you are an addict of any kind. The mental Olympics are continuing. Along with my food addiction, there is a self-destructive or self-defeating streak as well - now to balance that and how it may be playing into my absolute determination to compete in the triathlon. I feel that I cannot quit - I MUST finish the triathlon. I have quit every other time I was going to do one - I am going to do it, come what may - I may not be able to walk when I get home, but I have to do this! So I bounced that decision around in my head all day - do I want to quit as part of the self-defeating behavior or do I want to compete and tear up my feet as part of the self-destructive behavior???? See what I mean, mental Olympics all day!

On a positive note, there is lots of support and lots of opportunity to keep going and keep pushing, with that ugly word - MODIFICATION!!! The trainers are great and they will get my body through this and I will be ready for the race, I really don't have any doubt - I am just "in a mood" over it all. I will continue with the food part, which is eating what they serve here and remembering that what I put in my mouth is 70-80% of my personal battle.

Well, going to take some meds and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and I will do my best to get out of it all of the possibilities is holds for me!  TTFN

5 comments:

  1. Hey Bobbi, so sorry to hear of your feet problems. I know you will continue on in any way possible. I ruptured my achilles tendon 5 months ago & know that tendons take a long time to repair and heal, at the moment I'm not sure it will ever be the same. So don't overdo it, you need those feet the rest of your life. Take care. Paulette

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  2. Hey Bobbie, I am sorry to hear about your feet. I will continue to pray for you. I agree with Paulette, don't overdo it.

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  3. You really are amazing, so sorry to hear the news about your feet...but what an inspiration you are to say, "nothing's going to stop me now!" I am so impressed with you. Best of everything for your last 2 weeks! (((BIG HUG)))

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  4. You are truly amazing and you will get through this! As others here have suggested, your feet are very important - take care of them and they'll take care of you.

    Remember it doesn't have to be all or nothing, and that modification is not a bad thing. Not giving up on yourself and not throwing in the towel is a great success in and of itself. Whether or not you do a tri-athalon doesn't really matter. You've done some really incredible things for yourself and have changed - not just physically, but mentally as well. I salute you for the hard work you've already done.

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  5. Before reading your post, Bobbie,
    A friend and I were talking today about whether the wagon handle has me, or do I have the wagon handle? It's the perfect discussion for your situation: do you hold the notion of a completed triathlon, or does it have the grip on you?
    As a friend and colleague of yours, I hope you make the decision for your best health long term....what would you want your daughter to do?

    The good thing about "giving something up" is the part where you make room for something good to come in. By leaving your home and heading out on this grueling adventure, you have let a LOT OF GOOD come in. Take care of yourself so that you can keep all that you've learned and adopted. Addicts know that pain derails the best of plans...perfect excuse to eat or medicate.

    Whatever you decide,
    Your friend,
    Grier Girl

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